Friday, January 21, 2005


This week flew by. Time also flies when you are not having fun. Time just flies, period.

I had no difficulty ignoring yesterday's coronation. I gave up on network news many months ago and do not miss it at all. I didn't spend a cent, though frankly I don't think anyone would notice my modest protest since there are many days when I do not spend a cent.

I'm very bothered by our impulse/consumer driven "Buy More STUFF!" economy at this stage of my life, because I look around me and see how much stuff I already have, and how little it really means or how little Stuff contributes to happiness, health, security, etc. An enormous yarn stash meant absolutely nothing to me when shingles were coming off my house in the hurricanes. I don't feel guilty about my stash, I know how and why it came about. While I was housebound, caring for my husband, "treating myself" to something on sale at Elann or a bargain at ebay kept me at least somewhat sane. It wasn't like I was getting out to lunch or picking up coffee at Starbucks, so it as a very modest way to have fun. But binge and/or impulse shopping is no longer relevant to my life, nor is it possible on my income, and I do not miss it.

Wednesday night I went out with friends. It was fun, and we all agreed we need to do this at least every other week, so it's back on the schedule. With the holidays and L's father passing away and various other personal crises, happy hour had fallen off the schedule, but it needs to be on, we all need our fun. Yesterday the Fabulous D called and left a voicemail for the Boss, I called her back (he was on his way out of town again) and we chatted and agreed we all need to get together downtown soon. You'd think it would be relatively easy, but with our work schedules and living scattered all over the area, it's hard to coordinate an evening when we're all available. But we do try.

My betta fish died yesterday - he was actually my husband's fish, the fish kept him company when he was bedridden. It outlived him by a year and a half. I tossed the bowl - that was the end of indoor fish for me. I had a moment of toying with replacing him but realized I have more than enough fish, the outside pond is a thriving little ecosystem of its own.

My father is home from the hospital, on oxygen, and with a nurse coming in to check on them. He doesn't sound good, but that varies from call to call - yesterday he sounded better than the night before. I cannot make it over there this weekend, I have only one day to get everything I need to do done around the house, since Sunday there is a rumor of carpet installation and then a great deal of heavy lifting, putting two rooms and their closets back together. I will try to make it over there the following weekend to size up the situation, I have no concept of what's going on from here, because several panicked phone calls a day actually tell me nothing useful. But they have to understand that I cannot schlep across the state every damn weekend, my house does not maintain itself and I need some rest on the weekends myself. This is why I tried for years to get them to move closer, but nooooo....

If my mother repeats her overworked exclamation that "This was such a shock!" in my presence I may actually punch her in the mouth. He's been sick for at least 15 years. This was not a shock. My DOG saw it coming. Now he tells me that if anything happens to him, I'm in charge. I'm 2 hours away. With a demanding, tiring job that allows me no flexibility and a life of my own to live, I'm in charge. Just shoot me.

My clockwatching little bossy dog reminds me that I should get into the shower if I'm going to get to work early today. I don't know how he does it, but at the stroke of 6 the dog climbs out of his bed and comes to stand beside me, making little breathy nagging sounds. How does he tell time?

Yarny stuff this weekend, I promise.


Geogrrl said...

"'re in charge."

Don't fall for that. They decided a long time ago that you weren't and would not be in charge.

If your father does die, helping your mother sort things out is one thing. But that's it. Then you put your foot down--it's either the type of facility you've been suggesting all along, or she has to look after herself. And I'm sure she's more capable of that than she lets on.

Catherine said...

Oh, damn straight! I wasn't going to get into a deep discussion with my father, he's pretty short of breath, but I'm not sure I really AM in charge, or what I'm in charge of, because last I knew he had her as the personal representative on his estate! I am not going to be "in charge of" my mother, that's for damn sure!

Anonymous said...

Catherine-- all out of comments, but I just want to say keep on drawing those boundaries- you need them! :)

Myshelle10 (from KR)