It sounds so strange to say it, but I miss the fish. I miss his little fluttery self on my bedroom bookcase. But I will get over it - I do not need any more pets.
I'm supposed to get Carpet Tomorrow, so today will be dedicated to running errands after yoga - Target, maybe Costco, the usual drill. Then it's time to tackle the to-do list - pond pump cleaning, bird feeder refilling, cat hair chasing, and the most important task of all, general decluttering. I'm drowning in clutter again - some of it is unavoidable, when one empties the "stuff" of two spare rooms and three closets into one's living room, dining area and bedroom it's going to be cluttered. Some of it, however, is a reflection on how much "stuff" I still need to weed through/give away, use or trash. It's so sad, I live alone in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house and I can fill it with shit all by myself. I cannot wait until the crafty stuff is back in its proper place - right now I feel like I can't breathe in my bedroom.
I'm considering joining Audible.com. I know there are people who can read while knitting, but I'm not one of them. I'm loving the Pocket DJ, it's one of the most useful little things I've ever acquired. Now if the decent headphones would ship, I'd be all set - the earbuds suck. The sound quality is fine, but my left ear is not earbud-friendly. I cannot keep the damn thing in my ear, which means it's useless at the gym - I have to sit perfectly still. It must be my dainty, shell-like ears...har.
Yesterday I had worked up a good rant about the struggle to lose weight over 40, but right now it's not coming to me. I'm just baffled that watching my diet and doing yoga plus 45 minutes to an hour of cardio 3-4 times a week is causing barely perceptible results. Something weird happened to my body since the fall - my weight is up 4-6 pounds, depending on the day, but my torso is distinctly flabbier and fatter. I think the "something weird" is a slowing metabolism and getting older, but it's still shocking how even a little bit of cheating or slacking off causes such deterioration.
I know there is no such thing as a quick fix and no such thing as spot reducing, I'm not looking for instant, miraculous results, but damn, I sure as hell can GAIN almost instantly - THAT happens miraculously! The slightest slacking off of exercise and careful eating, and BOOM, 5 pounds of fat takes up residence. I have nice clothes in my closet, thanks to my brief flirtation with getting skinnnier, but now I can't wear them, I look like a lumpy sausage. Fortunately, I love to work out and I love the gym and I love yoga. Now if I could just convince myself that I really don't miss pizza and french fries at all. But I do. I miss them.
But I don't miss them enough to succumb to the trap of becoming middle aged and invisible. Extra pounds on a twenty-something can look cute and bouncy and healthy and still be passed off as baby fat. Extra poundage on a 40something can't. And my self-image and self confidence cannot take it. I know who I am and how I want to be. I am just struggling with the enormous level of effort it takes now, vs. taking off extra poundage after having two babies in my 20s. I gained a ton of weight with both pregnancies and was back in size 8 jeans in a few months. Now, every pound is a struggle. Take heed, you young 'uns, don't gain it in the first place!
And now I shall go make my South Beach approved breakfast of a nice omelet with a little salsa on top, and get some household chores done before yoga. Yay, Saturday.