all that wifty shit.
I reread last night's post and laughed at myself - such is the power of bitching at everybody, laughing at the Dilbertworld crap of this week, followed by a long, hot bath with a big glass of chardonnay. When I wrote that I was PUMPED, baby! The reality of change is it's drudgery. And it's scary. And the familiar is safe, even when all we do is bitch about it. Even the bitching feels safe and comfortable.
Changing jobs - yes, I loathe my current job, I'm unchallenged and overworked at the same time. There is no reason to think it's going to get better. Yet the thought of changing jobs is depressing and a little scary, because of that Unknown. And I'm in no hurry to do it, so I will take my time and make a wise decision, but a decision will be necessary unless a miracle happens. Who knows, maybe reason will hit management and they will hire us a secretary and give me more money and freedom to do what I do best. And maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt....
Losing weight - oh yeah, this ties to the "why do we do things that aren't good for us, even when we know that we LIKE the things that are good for us?" thing. Because change is scary and takes commmitment and commitment is hard even when it's really fun to do. It's so easy to make excuses. I was sick, I had to travel, business lunches, I couldn't insult my mother by not eating that cake, on and on. The reality is eating right isn't hard or unpleasant, it's just a matter of balancing and controlling and paying attention, and exercise is not torture at all. I love the gym. When I get there I am so happy I went. It's fun, it's really fun. But there's this block in my brain that tries to find reasons that I shouldn't go - "Look at the cat hair tumbleweeds in the living room! You can't be serious about going OUT!" Not that I would necessarily grab the vacuum instead of going to the gym, just that my brain frantically looks for reasons I should not go, and I have to shout it down. Shouting it down is suddenly easier.
I think it's because I reached the Great Fuck You Point. I'm dissatisfied when I go to work, I'm dissatisfied when I look into the mirror, I see my life ticking by and I don't want to live it dissatisfied.
Knitting World - I finished sleeve one of the plain cardigan and have moved to sleeve two. This is my first top-down seamless cardigan and I will never go back to working in pieces. It's so simple and so much nicer than flat knitting. This weekend is mine. I declared it so. I have things I need to do, but I'm going to do what I want to do.
Red. I'm thinking a red Shapely Tank is a good red thing. Symbolic, powerful, a bit sexy yet wearable, and made in the size I am shrinking to, a fun incentive. I am not a lightning knitter, God knows - which will get done first, the diet or the tank? I have red Cotton-ease in the stash from hell. Cotton-ease is darn nice yarn, soft, easy to work with, quite springy thanks to its acrylic component. Try it, you'll like it, and it's cheap.
And on that note, I shall go work on a sleeve. Because I want this cardie off the needles and two projects knocked down from the 25 list. I'm down 5 pounds, 20 to go. 1 project, 24 to go.