Friday, January 13, 2006

Tired. Bed. Early.

Not because work was that hard, exactly, just that...disconnected. Drinks last night with the chick who inherited my old job. She adores Boss but is befuddled by the System. She's only been in the business 25 years, so what does she know, but she has this...sense...that things are...fucked up. When you say you need Bates stamp software or are working on a critical docs notebook and everybody except Boss gives you the Terrier Head Tilt and asks what are these things of which you speak? And then denies that anyone actually needs those things and what the hell is wrong with you, you stuckup bitch? It does make you wonder what kind of halfassed fake law office they're running here. We had a good time, we have to do that regularly. The words "fucked up" were used many times. It was very validating for both of us that we didn't know each other before, both went into that office, saw the same things and had the same experience, without comparing notes beforehand. I feel validated - not that I had much doubt that it was fucked up. I do feel bad that she's doing this now, but as I told her, when the big boss came from states away to ask why I was leaving and I told him and I didn't mince words and he appeared to be getting It, I had hope that things would be better. Hoped in vain, obviously.

I am tired, I am stiff, I am still sitting too much. Knitting not enough. I really want to finish the damn linen shawl, because I really want to cast on some other linen thing and I can't until I get that one off the needles because I do have my rules here. They are loose and made to be broken, like Dubya's concept of the Constitution, but I at least don't have contempt for my knitting rules.

Got a great end of year review from my new boss, and I'm just shaking my head because I feel like I'm still under wraps and not doing what needs to be done yet, because there are so many relationships that need to be tended (including mine with her) that I can't just do my usual, "Okay, let's all sit down and figure out what's fucked up and fix it, because this is stupid." Toes can't be stepped on and all that crap, though from what I've seen so far, the toes aren't as dainty as advertised. It's a very freewheeling environment, if you don't have a thick hide they will eat you for breakfast and not spit out the bones, and my hide is thick enough to get in there and speak up, but I have to defer to my boss's position and perspective, and say "Mother May I?" In my next quarter, I want to quit worrying about Mother May I. Though we talked today and she's turning me loose on the getting everybody singing from the same page project, and I'm starting with land development. I may have to buy lunch for the guys I work with, but we will come up with a vocabulary that everybody in the company can understand. Because right now we use cute little phrases that mean this to marketing and that to sales and something else to purchasing. Tying the reporting system together may be my highest and best use there. I speak Dirt and Construction and Sales. Maybe that is why I am here, to be their interpreter.

Tomorrow is Saturday. I will go to the gym. I will clean this dump for a bit, but it is never as clean as I would like it to be. Housework is relaxing, I like doing it. I am never beaten up in a meeting while reporting on my housekeeping. I need to make another batch of those fabulous sourdough pancakes, they are amazing, lowfat, high fiber, and filling enough to get you through the morning.

My goal for the weekend is major progress on the linen shawl. I want to wear it in the A/C when the heat returns.


caroline said...

I respect your navigation of the corporate labyrinth, but life is waaaay too short to be beaten up in even ONE meeting. Put yer foot down, girl... and woe betide the boss that doesn't back you to the hilt. a job well done is a beautiful thing, but you're working to live, right?? just a gentle reminder from one who has walked that path... and major yum to those pancakes...

Enjay said...

Those pancakes sound fantastic, care to share the recipe?
and...weren't toes made to be walked upon?

Catherine said...

Oh, everybody gets beat up in our meetings, if it was just me I'd never stand for it. I am usually just a bystander for the drama, and the drama isn't really "mean." It's just exhausting to go through the process of analyzing each project like that. The process is screwed up, not the people. And as my conversation with my replacement at the last job demonstrates, I've dealt with way worse.