it's not to be missed. Great lyrics. Go Fuck Yourself
Still reading - and amazed by The Feminine Mystique. Amazed by the relevance to today, where Good Morning America is all over the alleged Mommy Wars. I'm in stitches, as the arguments made are ripped straight from the women's magazines of 50+ years ago, cited and dissected by Friedan. Same story, different generation.
Whatever floats your boat baby, work, don't work, be glad you have the uterine permission slip to choose, men don't get that. But the message board connected with the story was like so many others I've seen over the years - name-calling: "selfish" is a biggie. Dire stories about day care, another biggie. Working mothers who had worked out the compromise between home and family life were shouted down - and seriously outnumbered - by the SAHMs who had the gall to claim THEY were criticized for their choice. Would it be rude to point out that happy working moms of well-adjusted kids have other things to do in the morning than watch Good Morning America, so they are underrepresented in this mob?
My daughter got me into reading Amalah. She is a terrific girl and she and her husband are besotted parents of what may be the cutest baby on the entire Internet. And when she went back to work, angst-ridden enough by having to leave the small love of her life in an excellent day care near her office, she was abused by strangers on her blog. She's just not willing to "sacrifice" enough, you know. Selfish bitch. She lives in one of the most expensive places in the country, and has this crazy idea about providing for her child - providing well, not living on the edge - and it takes two salaries to do it. This isn't being selfish, this is being real. It ain't easy (see her post) and for anyone to say mothers casually "dump" kids in day care to skip off to carefree jobs, obviously they've never done it. But often it's the right thing to do.
I've said it before, but it's a pet rant of mine: So many SAHMs on the GMA board talked about all they "sacrificed" to stay home. Martyr Mommy! It's one thing to sacrifice a job (especially if you weren't that thrilled with it) it's another to sacrifice financial security to do it. If you are living on the edge, cutting out savings for the future and not developing your own earning potential so it'll be there if you need it, honey, you aren't a martyr, you're an idiot. If your husband is pulling in big bucks and you want to take off a few years to stay home with the preschoolers and it doesn't impact health care, savings, or anything else, do it and love it. If you do the math and realize that staying home now would have serious long term consequences later and go back to work, you are not "selfish." You are living in reality.
My baby is 22. I'm long gone from the Mommy Wars, and maybe it's distance that gives the perspective that it's all crap - the kids of the working mommies and the SAHs turned out remarkably similar and basically all normal, imperfect human beings. There are so many ways we fuck up our kids, and Mommy working or not working isn't even a blip on the big picture. So GMA's deliberate whacking of the hornet's nest by recycling anecdotal data that somehow, remarkably echoes a 50 year old trend, was a real eye-roller. Next Angst: Educating Women - A bad idea? Let the circle be unbroken....