For the random reader/occasional-passer-by who does not already read Crazy Aunt Purl, (because I think my regulars are already there every day) I was on the floor at the improv comedy in the comments.
I have not tried Spanx, but now I think I must. If both The Oprah (sound of trumpets) and The CAP (sound of...cats?) endorsed them, well, damn, I am missing something. Of course, in this humidity the idea of the top of a pair of control top pantyhose as underwear makes me sweat just thinking about it, but it's late September and someday it will not be 90 degrees. Or so they say.
Knitting a man. She may be onto something here. I started thinking about what sort of man one would knit in Florida, considering the climate and all. I know the ones walking around unattached are mostly cheap dishcloth cotton, except for the ones that are high maintenance silk. Wool is of course totally out. The appropriate yarn for a knitted man should be sexy and strong, nice to have close to the skin even in the heat, and of course very washable, because it's really important that a man in this climate believes in showers and deodorant like a religion. And the answer is clear: I gotta knit me a Linen Man. Or just move, because as I'm betting Caroline can attest, it really is different when we leave this state.