Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Still Hanging On, Making Progress, Crossing Fingers

Chair has been purchased and delivered. I hope she likes it, but as I am not a fool, I found one that I could live with if Goldilocks finds it unsatisfactory. It is sitting in the wee studio, looking big, even though it was one of the smallest chairs I saw in a lengthy search. I was wearing my pedometer, I walked approx. 3 miles of furniture stores on Saturday. Bed has been purchased and will be delivered Thursday.

Mother was picked up from rehab/skilled nursing and taken to her house yesterday, and she is doing fine so far. So fine, in fact, that I'm afraid she will not be happy in an ALF and will insist she is well enough to be home - which she may be today, but not next Thursday at 3 a.m. I am hoping hard (cross your fingers internets) that she will feel the joy that is somebody else doing the cooking and cleaning for her, and kick back in her new chair and relax, read, watch movies, join in a few activities, and enjoy being 82. She SAYS she's all for this and ready to do it, but I know this is a huge adjustment and I'm afraid she may hate it. The question is whether she will hate it at first and then appreciate it, or continue to hate it. It really is a very pleasant place, the residents are all ambulatory (some with assistance tools), it is a lot like a business traveler long term stay hotel, not a nursing home. I'd live there myself, but this is my mother we're talking about - 100 Pounds of Can Drive You Batshit.

But yanno, she agreed to this and we were on a deadline. There is no lease, it's month to month, so if she totally hates it we can look for something else - but we can look while she is already living over here. Half the battle....

Bottom line, I've been running my ass off without a break and we are in week 3. Today was a "day off" - I left the house at 9 and returned at 4:30, and did nothing fun except get my haircut fixed. The Hair God was great, he got what I was saying the minute he saw me and basically gave me a whole 'nother hair cut, but this one works. It's shorter and more layered, and all is well again. But I did have to go back to the salon to get it fixed, when I really just wanted to flop on the couch and knit and zone out while I do my 5th load of laundry.

My house was a wreck this morning, and is only a smidge better now, but at least now the trash cans aren't overflowing, mail and unpaid bills have been addressed, and I'm making a dent in the laundry. I'm doing my mother's laundry too, so I bring her stuff back when I visit and then return the clean clothes to her. It's not a big deal but sometimes the very small things, like flop haircuts and a few extra things to launder, are just Too Much.

All of this did cause me to have a dramatic meltdown over the weekend. On Mother's Day I called and screamed at my poor Girlchild - yelling at her because I have no support in dealing with her grandma and this was the suckiest Mother's Day I've ever had and my kids don't even CARE! This was unfair, she has been house and dog sitting while I'm running around like a maniac, she did invite me out to dinner for MD but I turned her down because I was too busy, etc. She offered more help, but even as I was sobbing and whining I realized that there really wasn't that much more I could delegate - like it or not (and I fucking hate it, just in case you were wondering) I'm the Responsible Party in this, and she's doing what she can and whatever I ask. She's taking Thurs. off anyway, to be available at the ALF to handle bed delivery and such.

Tomorrow I'm going "over there" to wrestle the smallest TV and stand into Baby. The good TV will have to arrive later, after I can borrow R's muscles.

Meanwhile, I start my new job on Monday, and I have to think about a work wardrobe (don't have one) and make an effort to look all fresh and perky. Because, let's get real here, I am "older" and was more expensive, so I have to be worth it. I have the weekend to both rest and prepare. Yeah. The timing of all of this has been just perfect.


zippiknits said...

You just needed to scream it out. Everyone can see that and I'm sure Girl Child knows you were on your last raw nerve. With all my heart I will wish that your mother will just settle in and love being able to let someone else do the cooking and cleaning.

Bess said...

Really, she won't hate it but she does have to move. That's the big thing. These hundred mile car trips just can't keep happening. There you have to be mean about it and say "too bad" when she complains. You aren't really being mean, you're being the grown-up.

Catherine said...

Girlchild totally got it and has stepped up calmly and cheerfully. Her professional training came in handy with a Mother in Meltdown. :-) I did need to scream it out - I was just so exhausted after the relentless onslaught of issues and the long commute each way. My ear ACHED from wearing the handy Bluetooth headset 12 hours a day (but I am glad to have had it). Home stretch - I see it in the distance....