Monday, October 20, 2008

She's gone.

I've been up since they called me at 2 a.m. to say my mother was taken to the ER. I made coffee and poured a big travel cup, figuring this might be a long day of getting her stabilized. When I got there, it was obvious that something major had happened, her heart was failing and her body was shutting down. She was mostly lucid when I got there, but in too much discomfort to hold a conversation, and her mental functions went downhill rapidly. They could hardly get an IV in her paper-thin veins; it blew out twice before they got one in with a baby-sized needle. And I got to do the DNR discussion for my other parent, 2 years after the first. And within 5 minutes of that conversation outside her room, her heart stopped for about a minute, then started again. She stopped breathing, then started again. They did what they could to stabilize her, short of crazy interventions like intubating her or shocking her heart, but the ER staff was very kind and supportive, and I watched my mother die today, around 4:30 a.m.

And I haven't been able to get hold of Girlchild, which is disturbing me no end. She's usually easy to reach, it might take a day for Boy to call me back but Girl normally answers a voicemail or text within the hour. To say this is not like her is a massive understatement. She is in the process of moving, and I don't even have her new address yet, so if she doesn't answer phone, text or email, I don't have an easy way to find her.*

I did call Boychild, and he talked me in off the hysteria ledge as he always does. I made funeral arrangements (which have to be finalized tomorrow). I wore out a Mr. Clean Magic Sponge in a nervous cleaning frenzy. I am worn out too. I hope to be asleep by 8.

*After a slew of voicemails and text messages ranging from calm to frantic I sent an email. She saw that, and called immediately. Her Blackberry was sitting there on its charger, not sharing single message. They all arrived in a wad after we'd already talked. She's up to speed. And fine. We do nothing but deal with it here.

43 comments:

KathyR said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that there are folk from all over the world who are thinking of you at this time.

Toni said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I am sad for you, Catherine. A chapter closes, and in the end, I hope it will lead to a new and different story.

There are lots of us wishing the best for you.

Kimmen

T.T.J. said...

I am so sorry about your mother, please take care of yourself.

Cheryl, the jungian Knitter said...

My condolences. Be good to yourself as this chapter closes.

Enjay said...

I'm sorry that you didn't have enough time with her. You have a lot of work ahead of you, please make sure that you take care of yourself.

iabrenda0312 said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I repeat the other comments: Please take care of yourself through this and know that we are thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Catherine, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you, Girlchild, Boychild, and Cousin C.
Genie

crgilvr said...

I've been reading your blog for years. You are a strong person who does the right thing -- even when it's not the easy thing. I'm sorry for your loss.

Charlotte said...

My deepest sympathy in your loss.

KatyaR said...

Oh, Catherine, I've been checking in every day because I've been so worried about you and your mom. I am so, so sorry.

Big, big hugs to you and the kids (and the doggies, too).

Anonymous said...

Catherine My thoughts are wiih you. I know you have been expecting/dreading this,. but it doesn't make it easier. We never want to lose our mothers. I wish I knew you better and could do something more.
Love and hugs
Barbara who fixed the beside table

Francesca said...

I'm so sorry. Prayers for her and for you and the kids.

carlarey said...

So sorry to hear this news. You tried so very hard to give her a reason to fight and enjoy her time here. Take care of yourselves.

greta said...

Blessings to you, and yours
during this difficult time.
Keeping you in my prayers.
PEACE be with you.

Janet said...

I'm so sorry. And so relieved you found Girlchild. I hope you are getting some rest.

Donna said...

I wish I could do or say something that would make a difference for you. No one deserves to be hit time and time again the way you have over the past few years, and you have my utmost admiration for the way you have handled everything that has been thrown at you. I'll think of you in my prayers, I wish I could do more.

Restless Knitter said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

needlefingers said...

Oh Catherine, I'm so sorry.

dragon knitter said...

as soon as i saw a post up so soon after the last one, i knew she was gone.

i'll reiterate what everyone else has said: take care of yourself. it will all keep.

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

May she enjoy happiness and the roots of happiness.
It's the only blessing I know.

ChelleC said...

I echo the sentiments of the commenters above. I've been praying for you and your Mom during this sad situation. You are extremely strong. Hopefully your dark days will lead to brand new lighter days moving forward.

Jo said...

Love and peace to you and your family. May healing come your way.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, Catherine. Maybe now at last she is at peace. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you.

Teresa (Shadow 5618)

Debbie said...

Long time lurker here..... I'm so sorry about your Mom. Wish there was something more I could do or say. Just know I'm praying for you.

caroline said...

ah, Catherine. I am so very, very sorry. my thoughts are with you and your family. wish there was something to do or say that could ease this for you all.

ellen said...

Catherine, I am so very sorry.

Dee fm KS said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Even though it was evident doesn't mean it makes it easier. My prayers and good thoughts to you and yours.
Dee fm KS

Amy in StL said...

Catherine, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's always hard to lose someone you care about, no matter how long it's been coming down the tracks. I only hope that when I face the same decisions about my parents that I can have the same presence of mind and sense that you've shown. Take care.

With Love,

Amy

Jan B. said...

I'm sorry, Catherine. I lost my parents in the same way...Dad first, Mom two years later. It's amazing how much your life changes when the enormous stress lifts. Best wishes to you and the "kids" as you work through this.

knitterjane said...

Sending you a hug and prayers, Catherine.

Sandra said...

Dear Catherine,
I join with so many others around the *world* to say that I am holding you and your dear ones in my heart, my prayers, and my thoughts.

I know that you have many lighter and brighter days ahead of you. How do I know this? Because I've recently been where you are now. Three members of my immediate family have died in the past *year* including my younger sister's suicide, and most of it all has fallen to me. One of these days, you and I can have a family craziness contest {smile} but for now, just know that things really will get better. They are for me and will for you, too. Soon.

You have been a wonderful daughter in a difficult situation, and I think that you have shown yourself and all of us how to do the tough stuff with courage.

Hang in there for just a little while longer. We're all holding you up.

Blessings,
Sandra

geogrrl said...

I haven't commented in a while, but I justed wanted to say I'm sorry.

I'm hoping that this is the last of the traumatic events in your life for a good long while.

knittim-me said...

Catherine, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for a peace that passes all understanding to encompass you.

Hugs,

-Marie

Anonymous said...

Catherine,
My heart goes out to you and your family in the loss of your Mom. My prayer for you is that you may be filled with peace. Your mother was blessed with a wonderful daughter.
Sue

Cursing Mama said...

Catherine,
I know that you have been expecting this, and bracing yourself for some time; but this kind of loss is never gentle to those left behind. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time. Take care of yourself.

mzmouze said...

My condolences on the loss of your Mother.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry for your loss. I hope this is the end of your losses for a long, long while.
Blessings-

Anonymous said...

And here comes a lot of sympathy from The Land Down Under - and 'stern' instructions to take VERY good care of yourself. Don't ask how I know that your own health might be a bit rocky over the next few months. You have done your best in terrible circumstances, now be kind to yourself.

Gae, in Callala Bay

Nancy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that things will be better for you soon.

Tigers said...

Delurking to say so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

Unlurking a bit to say I'm sorry. Definitely take good care of yourself!

Myshelle10 from KR

zippiknits said...

Once she wouldn't eat this seemed inevitable.....

I am so sorry to hear the news about your mother. She is now at rest. Now you can rest and heal. You were a great daughter to her. Patient and tough when her situation needed it. May you be at Peace.