Sunday, October 19, 2008

So. I start a lotta posts with...So.

My mother's condition is declining. Rapidly. She's still lucid, and politely telling the staff that she doesn't want to get out of bed and doesn't want to eat. She's very, very tired, declining food, sipping water, very sleepy. She's dying. I know what that looks like, and I doubt she has two weeks. Tomorrow's conference call will be about palliative care issues. My visits today were short. I stopped by twice, both times she just wanted to sleep. The second time, she looked very comfortable and was in a deep sleep, so I didn't wake her up to force a visit. I'll be stopping by daily after work. When I left, the nurse on duty said she'd call me if there's a change. We both knew what that meant. I'm feeling like an old pro about this - 3 immediate family members in 5 years.

Oh, and that "resolved" C-diff? Yeah, not resolved. At all. It may have let up for a few days, causing the Nurse Practitioner to declare tentative victory, (without testing for it) but it is still active, and it is killing her. She's not eating and still having constant diarrhea. Her upper arm is the size of my wrist. She's miserable, so miserable, she complained of being in pain when she'd just had her pain meds, she wants this to be over. Please, if you are the praying or positive thinking or whatever type, please pray for peace and comfort.

In other, more positive news: Girl is settling in to the new rented townhouse close to work. Target had a Mr. Coffee with a 2 hour auto-shutoff on sale, so I bought her a housewarming present. She's my daughter, we both do the "Did I turn the coffeepot off?" as we leave for work, sometimes requiring a trip back to check.

Ths weekend I: did 2 big runs to Goodwill; put out a load of trash; dragged out the Shop-Vac and cleaned the garage; went to Target twice, Petsmart twice (forgot fish food) and Publix once...or was it twice?... got Baby's oil changed, killed some weeds, cleaned some stuff, boxed up stuff, got my hair cut, colored my hair, exercised, cooked out, and did a few loads of laundry. All with my mother's condition humming away in the back of my mind, feeling guilty for having all that fun getting a haircut and going to Goodwill and shit, (when she isn't asking for me and doesn't appear to care when I'm there) and thinking how I really need to make funeral arrangements this week. The best advice I got when my husband was dying came from one of the parish priests, who gently nagged me to make arrangements ahead of time, because it saves a ton of money. That practical advice stuck with me.

I did not get to visit Girl's new place yet; she's still in moving mode and there are a lot of loose ends. So Dudley is hanging here, waiting for his new home to be ready for his royal presence.

And tomorrow is Monday. Thank God I get to go to work and relax. /snark off


dragon knitter said...

at least you have some advance notice. the doctors didn't tell us that it was very lickely that my dad wouldn't survive his stroke. just, one night, i got the call, and had to go tell my mom (she's deaf).

i know you're not a huggy type, but you've got a virtual one from me

Francesca said...

Prayers for your mom, and you.


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry, Catherine. You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers.


ChelleC said...

Catherine, I will definitely include your Mom and yourself in my prayers. You've been on my mind a lot lately. I prayer for the very best in terms of peace and relief for your mother.

caroline said...

ah, Catherine, I am so sorry for the sad turn your mom's health and life have taken. Am sending all thoughts and prayers your way. For peace and healing all around, in whatever form that takes.

Bess said...

What they all said, sugar.

greta said...

Peace be with you.
Praying without ceasing.

Linda said...

Peace and Comfort for both you nad your Mom.
(I wish I had gotten done HALF of what you accomplished this weekend!)

Anonymous said...

I have been thinking of your mom lately, wondering how she was doing. I will send out cosmic good thoughts for peace and comfort- for you both.