I'm putting myself out there a wee bit with this, but I'll be sufficiently fuzzy with details.
I am in an industry hit HARD by the recession. Yeah, I know everybody's hit hard, God knows, but we are out there in the realm of "Nobody really NEEDS what we do, we are a luxury," territory - we will go down hard and come back slowly. I have faith that they will survive; it's a great company, perhaps the best I've ever worked for - the irony of that does not escape me.
So it's dark and scary times, and I fully expect to be laid off. I am severely underemployed, and I have concluded that, though I love the people and admire the corporation, I don't wanna be a paralegal no more, so I'm okay with this on many levels. I had been a very unusual paralegal for many years, and this regular corporate paralegal life sucks bigtime. Nope. I am done with this shit, and I'm fine with getting laid off. I just want to have the right to COBRA benefits. (FYI to the readers in the civilized world of universal health care - COBRA is a law that gives a laid-off employee the right to pay through the nose for the "right" to continue health coverage for 18 months, and then fuck you if you haven't found another job.)
So, as one of the last in, and severely underutilized and also overpaid for the not jack shit I am doing most days, I expect the ax to fall. And today the ax fell - and it missed me, and hit someone else on our team. I can understand the reasoning; there's a lot of totally-not-performance related logistical stuff, like the duties can be distributed/absorbed by other departments, but still. I would have been fine with it being me, and I am still left dangling.
We are now taking private bets about who's next - the woman older than I thinks it will be her, because she thinks it is going by age. I can see it's going by function, and she's safe, and I am not - nor should I be. And right now I'm having survivor guilt, because I didn't expect to survive this cut and will have to hang around waiting for the next round.
But there will be more, and my turn will come, and rightly so.
But this weekend is mine, and I intend to have fun and relax and not think of the office until I have to get into the car on Monday morning.