Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Okay, so....

for those of you who know me on Facebook, I did give in to giddiness and post about my Insanely Crazy Decision. I've resigned from my shittyjob.

(BTW - for those who know me on FB, I try not to reference the b-l-o-g there, because I am there under my real name and a lot of other identifying information. Though I don't say anything here I wouldn't own, it's just...easier this way.)

Anyway, Various Things happened this month, things that made me realize that as insane as it is to walk away from a paycheck "in this job market!!" staying was even more foolish. It was not going to get better, and I'm not getting any younger. And I do have the means to take some time and figure out my new path - or I could just hate what I do every single day. So, I took a deep breath and pulled the trigger. I walked in to my bosses' offices and told them a polite, "I have the opportunity to make some changes in my life," which is the diplomatic corporate version of "It's been swell, but the swelling has gone down now," and the standard cover for the totally honest "Life's too short for this crap," and took my leave of the dead end cube. I'm still there for two weeks, because I was classified as hourly in this gig, so I gave them two weeks. Which is kinda crazy, as I've been under-employed and looking for stuff to do there for nearly two years. But it was the proper thing to do, and I am all about the proper thing to do. I'm a regular fucking Miss Manners.

I'm sitting here feeling weird - it's a very strange feeling to be on the precipice of taking a major life step like this. I've never left a job without having the next one lined up. I know that on paper I'm doing the right thing - and I even know how I will sell it to my next employer. I had an opportunity to take some time to find my new direction, and felt it was the right time to do it. It does make perfect sense. My previous line of work - the homebuilding industry - is a shadow of its former self, and won't be coming back in any major way for many years.

I am not suited to what this job became, which is not what I was hired to do. I had misgivings about taking the job, particularly because I saw the direction the economy was taking, and questioned whether they needed me. I even raised this in my interview, and was basically coaxed into taking the job. Whereupon the economy promptly did exactly what I saw coming, and the purpose for which I was hired evaporated. To give credit where it's due, they tried to find stuff for me to do. Here and there, off and on, and continued to pay me, which was crazy really good of them. But I have felt like a fish out of water for 2 long, crappy years, and I don't think anyone can say that I didn't give it a fair chance to work out.

So I quit, without another, better job lined up, for the first time in my life. Crazy.

I intend to fill my time with volunteer work, especially with animals, which will lead to networking in other fields I think I would enjoy much more, and clean out my house, clean up my LIFE.

Ideally, I would love to volunteer my way into a paying gig with a non-profit that serves animals, or the elderly or the disabled. Something that makes me feel good about what I do, instead of dealing with complicated legal issues surrounding a fundamentally frivolous and unnecessary business. So I know what I am doing is right.

But at the same time, it's scary - I have no spouse for backup; I'm on my own, and that makes doing this feel extra crazy. Unemployment in FL is astronomical, and I look at the news stories about how hard it is to find a job over 50, and that of course makes my inner lizard chatter nervously that I'm making a HUUUUGE mistake. But of course, I am not sure I want to stay in FL - I have no idea where I want to go, really. But I have a tenant lined up to move into this house when her lease is up in October (waves to Girlchild!)

So, really, what's the worst that can happen? I could take this time off and not find a good job later - gosh, I could end up stuck in a greige cube farm, pushing boring papers for mediocre money...oh, wait....:-) Basically, it's time to take that flying leap.

ImageChef.com

Perfect image-mascot for this life courtesy of Like the Queen.

14 comments:

greta said...

Good for you! I know you'll be a wonderful addition to whatever volunteer organization is lucky enough to merit your time...have you read *linchpin* yet?
Enjoy this time with your family and Murphy and your knitting...I'll be cheering you ON from here...

KatyaR said...

Congratulations! I know how much you hated that job. Hopefully you will find your direction soon--sounds like you have a great start. We'll keep our fingers crossed for you!

ellen said...

Wow. I think you are doing the right thing. The really good stuff doesn't come to you until you've let go of everything else.

k said...

I jumped a month ago. No great victories yet for me, but I'm going in some direction that might not be stupid.
Keep your nerve and your faith! (she says, convincingly...)And I'll see you on the good side!

Francesca said...

Woo-hoo! You go, girl. I have twice left jobs without a new one to go to, and I landed on my feet both times. I know you will too. (This time, I do have a new job on Monday, but the City & Co. of SF could lay my ass off at any time... but I'm still going.) I'm so happy that you have taken the leap!!

--Janet who is Francesca to Google

Anonymous said...

The very best of luck. Very scary, but nearly all big changes ARE !

But 'safe' is not very good for you if it is also so boring you don't even want to get out of bed.

Gae, in Callala Bay

k said...

I remember the quote I wanted;
"Life is good, if you don't weaken."
From some book about mountain climbing. Maybe elsewhere, I don't know.
Don't weaken.

Joan said...

I admire your courage! You may not have a new job to step into yet, but you have a plan AND you have your sanity. I'm cheering you on!

Anonymous said...

I admire how brave (and smart) you are being to take care of yourself like this-- as someone else said, sometimes one door has to close before another one can open. I am sending lots of good thoughts in your direction. Mental/emotional health is every bit as important as physical health.
Elizabeth

Anonymous said...

Best of luck! I didn't do it & was miserable and life is just too short to spend it in a dead-end job!

Gigi said...

Scary, but good luck. You have clearly thought it all out and I wish you the best.

Catherine said...

Oh God. I wish I could be one of those bloggers who shares every detail, but I'm too corporate/paranoid. Anyway, today I was vindicated in my decision to quit, in ways I didn't even imagine. And I am leaving with my dignity and everything I wanted, and so relieved to be done with it. I have to think the situation was sent to me to give me the kick in the ass to do what I should have done a year ago.

ChelleC said...

Congrats on your decision, and on your courage to act on that strong gut feeling within.

besshaile said...

Glad you like it. ;)
the verification word today is "flier" so I hope you get to fly high.