without a winning Lotto ticket. Damn.
Accountability. That's my focus for the year. How's that working out, one week into February?
Meh. I'd give myself a 6 on a scale of 1 - 10.
I spent the entire month of January (except for that last days in AVL) faithfully tracking my food and exercise. It became very, very obvious that I am not getting enough exercise (except on weekends, when I get plenty) and that I regularly go over my admittedly scant allotment of 1238 calories. It sucks to be over 50 and female, calorically speaking, especially if you are sedentary, which, sadly, I am. I'm really looking forward to Daylight Saving Time, and the hour of light that allows me to go for an evening walk before the mosquitoes attack.
Yesterday I went way over my calorie limits. My daughter and Miss D came over for a walk to the playground in the neighborhood park, followed by movies and Chinese food. Ordering in is a big treat, rarely indulged - I hadn't ordered from my favorite restaurant in, wow, probably six months, maybe longer. I ordered a tofu and veggies dish, healthy ingredients but prepared with a lot of sodium and quite a bit of fat. Issues like this are keeping the scale stuck at a number I don't want to see anymore - the takeout dinner is a once in a blue moon event, but office lunches, etc., combined with a lack of exercise, have sabotaged weight loss. I month of tracking certainly showed me where my caloric overages are happening, but I haven't done much about tackling them - yet. That starts today.
Today I will take stock of this situation, plan and prep some meals for the week, and make an organized effort to regain control. I'll also take that pile of stuff I culled from my office clutter to Goodwill. It's been sitting since before I went to Asheville. And I will make at least a valiant start on my taxes, too.
I'm dodging the most important question: How is Murphy doing?
I am not sure. I gave him a quick bath yesterday and trimmed the hair around his eyes - the cataracts are bad enough; we need to let in all the light we can. A warm bath usually cheers him and gives him energy, and it did, briefly, but it depressed me. Under his fluff he's a skeleton, even thinner than I'd thought. I decided that I'd see how he behaved when Miss D came over; he would always rouse himself from his bed to get attention when there is company. I told myself that If he didn't bounce back when his favorite child arrived, I'd have to call the vet.
He did get out of bed to greet her. It lasted about two minutes - he was pleased to see her, greeted her, and politely excused himself to resume his nap. We took Sophie with us to walk to the playground; there was no question of bringing him. He wasn't going to budge, and did not care. He isn't jealous and competing with Sophie anymore. He did stir when the food arrived, the smell roused him, and he did eat his own dinner (chicken breast cooked in the crockpot until it falls apart, with white rice and some finely chopped green beans, all very mushy so it can be licked off a plate - yes, I am his personal chef).
I have always said that he'd tell me when he's had enough, and I'm still not sure we're there. He's slowed down very much, but he's still eating and drinking, and during those brief times that he's alert, he doesn't seem to be suffering. But he's fading, and I can't imagine that he'll hold on much longer.*
*And once again he demonstrated why I have no idea what's going on. After I wrote the above, Murphy got up and followed me to the kitchen and stood beside me, looking alert. I treated him to a heaping tablespoon of fat free Greek yogurt (lactose intolerance has never been one of his issues) and the aforementioned chicken and rice mixture. He loved the yogurt, but I noticed that he's basically licking up his food now - I think those bad remaining teeth, the ones that couldn't be removed without risky surgery - are preventing him from eating. This is a very recent development, a few days ago he was still pestering for goldfish crackers, but one I can cope with. I'll pick up some fat free chicken broth and make his food into "baby food" in the blender, and see what happens. He's back in his little bed now, but his tummy isn't empty.