Wednesday, October 05, 2016


This right here is what you call your "worst case see-nary-o" Bubba. Shit's gonna get real here on Friday.

I'll say it right now: I'm very, very nervous about what this storm will bring. It's not my first hurricane.





but this sucker is 1) the size of the state of TEXAS: 2) very, very powerful, and 3) moving slowly, with plenty of time to beat things up as it moseys up the coast.

And I'm not even kidding: as I'm typing this my daughter just texted me these chilling words: "Jim Cantore is on his way."

(Aside to non US readers: if you've never heard of him, Jim Cantore is on the Weather Channel and has been for about 30 years, I think? He's always the guy standing in the driving storm, broadcasting from the disaster, whether hurricane or blizzard. He's officially on the unofficial storm classification: the highest storm level is "Jim Cantore."

It's official: We are fucked.

As I said, I'm well prepared with water and food and munchies and batteries and cat litter, toilet paper, paper goods in general, trash bags, more batteries, and yes, wine. We were joking at the office today because water is really hard to find now and gas stations are out of gas, and one of my funny young co-workers is about to go through her first hurricane ever, and she bought lots of wine and munchies. Today, she started to get scared, and I tried to reassure her with tales of the MASSIVE INCOVENIENCE of it, but she's in a rented townhouse so property damage won't come out of her bank account (as it will mine, ohfuckohfuckofuck). But seriously, this isn't a "normal" hurricane. This is a monster, and the only good thing about it is that so far, most of the worst parts will be over the water. This doesn't mean that we will be fine, but we should have manageable damage. I've already said goodbye to the fence at the kids' house. We'll figure out how to replace it later. I'm just hoping that's the biggest damage.

And now I'm off to clear the balcony, and bring in the (thankfully limited and lightweight) furniture, etc. I don't need a cheap plastic Adirondack chair to come through the giant sliding glass door. That would be bad.

I hope to update tomorrow, but if you don't hear from me over the weekend, assume I'm sitting here without power, sweating.


KatyaR said...

Oh god--if Cantore's on his way, you're in TROUBLE. Maybe he can stand on the coast, raise his arms, and command the storm to go away.

Hang in there. And if it makes you feel any better, Oklahoma is full of wanna-be Cantores. It's a curse....

Catherine said...

There is only one Jim Cantore. All others are sorry ass imitations.

Caroline said...

Cantore? you are SO fucked! And me without cable. ack. you know this, I know, but the winds are worst at 1 o'clock. What worries me is that track could have it loop back and hit Florida TWICE! 1965 Betsy hit Miami, went up to Ft. Lauderdale, turned around and whacked Miami again. And that was when storms were 25 miles across.
Anyway, now that I've terrorized both of us (my mother is in a townhouse in Miami) I will wish you minimal damage, quick restoration of power, and enough wine and critter cuddles to make it through sanely and safely. let us know how you are when you can. hugs.

Brenda said...

I'm still hoping they are wrong---our local weather guys have predicted severe thunderstorms for us many times this summer, and they haven't amounted to anything---just some noise and a light sprinkling.

Anonymous said...

Well good luck. Cantore is bad news, you are officially effed. But seriously, this is looking to be a huge mess. it's intensifying again, and a turn of just a few degrees means a direct hit, or even worse, a storm that stays strong just off the coast and tears up the entire coast of Fla. And the ensemble forecasts look like a drunk with crayons scribbled on the map - I cant believe it might turn back around and hit FL again. Batten down the hatches and hold on. We'll be thinking about you and hoping for the best. Kimmen

Karen said...

Keeping you and everyone else in my thoughts and prayers! It sounds like you're as prepared as you can be for something like this.

k said...

Whoa! Your comments are freaking me out! We hope to hear from you early and often. May your hurricane be boring!